Talking Too Long: Parts 1 - 3
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Ever have someone keep talking to you long after you’d heard enough? They keep talking and all you want to do is end the conversation or that particular line of discussion. Have YOU ever been the one doing all the talking and not realized you were boring the other person to tears?

Here is the first in a series of tips you can use to help determine how a listener is receiving what you’re saying.

First, it’s important to understand how a typical conversation occurs. Once we feel we understand what someone is saying our mind leaps to what we want to say next. Sometimes we don’t even listen before our mind leaps to our agenda. In either event, what occurs is a person jumping in with their own thoughts. In effect, we cut each other off. And this goes on without either person taking offense. It’s simply how we communicate.

During an interview those ground rules are a bit fuzzier. Instead of the employer cutting off your comment, he is likely to allow you to complete your thought. And you, perhaps somewhat nervous and eager to impart all you can in order to impress, are too often more than willing to state your point. And restate it. And restate it. And restate it.

I tell my clients to avoid becoming an Edith Bunker. For children of the 70’s or those who’ve watched All in the Family in syndication, Edith’s character was known for, among other things, her droning on and on about inane topics.

So here’s point number one in this three-part series on gauging whether you might be talking too long.

Pay attention to the other person’s body language, specifically their head. Typically, most people will nod their head as you establish eye contact while speaking. Watch for person to nod their head as you’re speaking. It conveys the person is not only paying attention, but typically signifies that they understand and agree with what you’re saying. Nodding one’s head doesn’t mean a person is ready to move on to a different topic. Take the nodding as a reassuring sign that what you’re saying is being received and processed in an active manner.

In part one I shared some thoughts on the first part of reading an interviewer relative to whether they’re following you and want you to continue.

Typically, a simple nod of the head signifies the other person follows your line of thought, but also signifies they are open to hearing more.

In part two, let’s look at a second level of interaction. When an employer has more fully heard and understood your point, be on the lookout for them to utter some sound. Not words. Just sounds, sometimes accompanied by a nod of the head.

When I hear such sounds I know I need to begin to wrap up. The interviewer is, in effect, telling me they’ve largely understood my point, but perhaps may not be fully ready to interrupt me with their own verbiage.

Be aware that you can talk yourself out of a job. Pick up on both verbal and non-verbal cues to make the most of your interactions.

Ever say these words to someone? “Right, OK, I understand, that makes sense, sounds good, sure.”

Now be honest. By the time you’d uttered any of those words you’d mentally moved on past what the other person was saying. And those words were your not-so-subtle hints to the person to stop talking.

As an interviewee we often possess a combination of nerves and a desire to do an information puke all over the employer. It’s the old adage, “Throw enough against the wall and something will stick.” We mistakenly think that since we weren’t interrupted (as we would normally be in peer-to-peer conversation) that the employer wants to hear more. So we drone on and on and on and...Mistake!

When the employer gives you those “word cues” my best advice is to end in another sentence or so. Then, ask the employer whether that addressed his question or whether he wanted you to provide more information. I’ll bet my dollar to your penny his answer will be along the lines of, “No, you’re fine.”