It's normal to want respect from our colleagues. In his classic theory of human motivation, psychologist Abraham Maslow identified the need for esteem as a basic driver of human behavior. And leaders understand how important it can be for team members to feel accepted and valued by the group.



At work, the desire to look like a winner can keep us hustling when we secretly want to just throw in the towel. And praise and appreciation from our peers can make it all feel worth it, once a big push is finished.



Of course the desire to move up and look good brings energy to your career. But sometimes the desire for status or accolades can waste your time or lead you to the wrong choices. Here are five situations when the wiser move may be to let go of your all-too-human yearning for standing or prestige:

• When you're the leader. Have you worked for a manager who was preoccupied with the privileges of her position? Perhaps she'd insist on an early meeting, but then show up late and play with her phone once the discussion began. Weak leaders may play power games to underscore their high station. Stronger leaders tend to treat everyone with respect, focus on the work, and forget about trappings of rank.




• When you get a promotion. In the first months of a new role, it may be tempting to talk a lot, to demonstrate your qualifications and knowledge. And it can feel reassuring to show off the power that comes with senior standing. But now that you have the position, be modest about it and concentrate on listening, learning and building relationships.




• When a job change could bring opportunities. The idea that your career should keep you moving up some kind of hierarchical ladder is old-fashioned and can be self-destructive. These days, our long professional lives are more complicated and may include lateral shifts and even fresh starts. If you're starting to feel stuck or insecure on your current track, be open to a change in direction. A short-term loss of grade or title is a small price to pay for a shift that could recharge your professional life. Tell yourself to put aside concerns about what other people think. Eventually smart observers will recognize a good strategic move.




• When you're ready to reinvent yourself. If you want to smoothly navigate a major work life transition, the starting point may be your willingness to look like a beginner. I struggled with this when I chose to retire from law and business and start a new career as an executive coach. As an attorney, I drew confidence from my areas of expertise. I had to reframe my thinking before I was comfortable going back to school to learn something new.




• When you feel anxious or obsessed. It's healthy to want respect from others, but self-respect is even more important. If you need public recognition in order to feel good about yourself, it may be time for reflection or counseling. A neurotic need for prestige, or an outsize fear of embarrassment, can make you miserable and jeopardize the success you want so much.

If you find yourself frequently worrying about the symbols of your status, maybe it's time to find a new balance? A simple exercise is to make a list of things in your life that matter most, like your relationships, your good health, the activities that keep you going, and your spiritual life.